Reaching 100

I just hit 100 drawn faces this week. It's the first time I've ever reached the end of a newsprint drawing block. My husband said the words, "You should feel proud." When I thought about those words I realized that I didn't feel proud. I didn't really feel anything accept the aching in my neck that comes from drawing with TERRIBLE posture.

Progress. It's such a nice idea and so hard to actually experience. The word progress makes it seem like you are aware of it. That it's this physical thing you can look at. Progress is this tangible idea we put on a completely intangible thing.

Doing is difficult. Really difficult. So difficult in fact that many of us think that the thing between us and being really good at something is the starting. That once we clear out enough time or sharpen enough pencils or get over enough self doubt and put pencil to paper (or fingers to keyboard or voice to mic, whatever) we will have started, and we will be on our way to that big success of our dreams. A huge percentage of could-be-would-be-artists never actually start. Starting is just that hard.

But the frustrating reality is that yes, while starting IS hard, the part after starting might be harder. It just might be. So we clear out enough time, we sharpen enough pencils, and we get over enough self doubt to put pencil to paper, and here we are with no actual skill set. Starting isn't magic. It didn't instill in us the habit of work or create the years it takes to sculpt style.

So now we now find ourselves in this terrible place with a terrible reality: We are bad. And now we face the daunting task of getting good.

One hundred faces indeed.

Image note: This is something like face 80. I'm not painting them all. That goal comes later.