Thursday, November 01, 2012

Finding Focus

I started craft amor because I wanted a place to capture all the different projects I was working on. I've always had trouble focusing on a particular type of art. I use the word "trouble" but I don't think there is anything wrong with this. Creativity is a fun and strange beast, and I my unofficial philosophy for a long time has been, "I want to do it all."

The I want to do it all philosophy has been wonderful from a creativity standpoint but occasionally does cause me life anxiety.  When I look out into my future I know on some level I can only get so good with such a broad strokes. Doing it all means never getting really good at one thing. But even knowing that, I still couldn't help but think, "What if" and then run off in whatever direction that particular idea took me. I didn't want to have to give that up. It's just too fun.

But then something recently in life happened and the result has been surprising.

I currently work at a job that causes me a lot of stress. The people are wonderful but the schedule is exactly opposite of what my personality needs. The schedule is wholly unpredictable. Even at part time, the job has a way of taking over my life. I'll waste a whole day waiting to go in for just an hour. It often makes me feel like I have no control.

But within this reality something great has emerged. Because I don't have control over my schedule, I've stopped looking out into the future. I've stopped worrying about my path. I can't plan my future (I can't even plan next week) so instead I spend my energy focusing on the now. And now, I have three hours, and in three hours I can do a lot of painting.

And suddenly I've become very focused on the art of painting. And my "what if" moments have also focused on painting. And occasionally I'll get excited about a craft but then instead of going out and buying the supplies and spreading the project across my studio, I realize that what I'd rather spend my time on is this idea or that idea as it relates to acrylics. A chaotic external life has actually lead to a calmer and more focused art life. It's something that I could have never predicted but something I am grateful to have found. For the first time in my life I'm getting truly better at something. And within that I'm discovering things I could have never discovered if I only spent an hour here an hour there.

Three months ago I would have thought that focus meant I was trapped to a certain set of skills. Today I'm realizing that focus helps free me to possibilities I'd never been abel to consider prior. And life had to change in order for me to change.

1 comment:

colour3d-vogu3 said...

creativity is really fun :)